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Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
Lao Tzu
BS. Computer Science Student at Baguio. Likes web designing, 3D modeling, photo
editing and stargazing...
Likes spending the night in front of his PC while sipping his hot mocha coffee.
Likes to be alone in his room so he can sing his songs, play his guitar and recite
his poems. Likes taking pictures while strolling around the city of pines alone.
Birthday - D-Day
.:. Favorites .:.
*Songs - Classical (strauss and sort), music by the Beatles, Coldplay
Mew, Travis, Sigur Ros, Oasis, Radiohead, Eraserheads, enya, Switchfoot
*Movies - K_Pax, Forrest Gump, Contact, My Sassy Girl, Far and Away, Disney
Movies, Sunshine, Monster House,Apocalypse Now, 3-Iron(Bin-Jip),Shrek movies
*Favorite Books(s):The Yin Yang of Programming, Bible, Quran, What the Buddha
Taught (Walpola Rahula) . Kiss of the Spiderwoman (a very gay book), Karaoke Song
Playlist, Beyond Good and Evil (Friedrich Nietzsche), Crime and Punishment (Fyodor
Dostoevsky), The Final Theory (Mark McCutcheon), God's Debris (Scott Adams), 40 Days
with the Poor (Frank Padilla), Piano for Dummies, Idiot's Guide for Dating, How to
draw a woman's body, Idiot's Guide for Verbal Self-Defense. Ilocano Survival Book,
Paolo Coelho Books. Harry Potter Books, Eve's Diary, Still have many books to
read...
*Favorite Pet(s):Dog and Cat lalo na
pagmagkasama sila
*Favorite Color: Blue and orange
*Favorite Quote/s: if p then q
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Nabura na naman yung isang partition nung hardisk... Mga music pa naman iyun na mahirap mahanap. Wala na yung Boulevard na pangkalma kay daddy, yung mga anime at disney soundtracks, yung mga disco songs, mga kanta ni tom jones. Paalam sa mga videoke songs. Wag kayong magalala, matapos ko lang itong mga finals at papers, hahanap ako ng paraan para marecover kayo. HU hu hu hu...
Balita ko pala, nanghuhuli na ng mga PC shop na gumamagamit ng pirated softwares, Abot kaya sa amin, dito sa Baguio, marami na raw yatang nagshishift to Linux. Buti na lang at medyo ineexpose na ang UP sa paggamit nito. Ito ang epekto ng monopoly ng microsoft, mahihirapan magadjust ang mga tao sa bagong OS. YUng mga small time na mga PC shop ay magsasarado at yung mga mahal magpabayad ang magsusurvive. Kawawa naman ang mga estudyante.
Thinking about this as an opportunity, nagaral kming magkapatid na maginstall ng mga laro sa linux... after few hours of reading and configuring some settings in linux, nakakapagpagana na kmi ng laro..nakakpaglaro na kami ng warcraft 3 sa linux, winamp..at kahit ano na sigurong window based application... yung kapatid ko pa ay sinamahan kong maghanap ng mga gamit sa electronics para sa kanyang project. with our project na medyo malabo pang matapaos..im seeing the opportunity to use it as my pride kaya dapat ay gawin namin yung ng matino..
penned my thoughts
at [3:18 AM]
Well I believe there's someone watching over you penned my thoughts
at [2:54 AM]
Monday, September 26, 2005
I've been spending most of my time on all of my responsibilities these penned my thoughts
at [11:05 PM]
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Malapit ng matapos ang sem... malamang puro hell week na ang su2nod. Our group has not yet finished the prototype. Kailngan pa nman un bago mtapos ung sem. Cs 190 thesis is Linux Terminal Sever Program at mukhang mhhrpan kmi..rainy days kasi. Malamig pa d2.. kape n lng muna... nilagay ko na nga yung gasulito ko sa room para mainit. ako lang kasi mag-isa ngayon. Ciao.
penned my thoughts
at [6:28 AM]
Sunday, September 11, 2005
When do stars fade their light? penned my thoughts
at [12:14 PM]
It is recommended to read the Follow the White Rabbit 1 first. penned my thoughts
at [1:11 AM]
... Ha haha... gandang tingnan nung mga pictures ko nung bata ako.. sumali pala ako nun sa isang di ko alam na contest at ako daw ang King. Kilala pa kaya ako nun nung queen ko. Dinala ko dito sa Baguio lahat ng pictures ko para walang ipakita si Mommy sa mga Kumare niya para lang pagusapan ako... Sasabihin na nama nila, "aba, e2 si alexies, e2 yung batang palakad lakad lang noon ng nakahubad at uhugin, at pinanood ang buong process ng paggwa ng building ng DAR. Kakaiba yang batang yan, 7 years old pa lang eh nakikialam na sa mga kuryente kuryente at walang mga larua kundi mga screwdriver at mga wires. Tingnan mo nga naman ano, dati, dinadala-dala mo pa sa office tapos ngayon ay malaki na".. Shhs.. sana lumaki pa ako kasi lahat halos ng blockmates kong lalaki na natititra ay mga basketball player na may height na mga 5'10''. Mukha akong bubwit...
penned my thoughts
at [12:45 AM]
Saturday, September 10, 2005
As usual, in the front of the CRT with the continously looping soundtrack for the night. Those playing songs are lucky enough to be picked by the shuffle program of the WinAmp among the 13000 songs occupying my 140 gig hardrive. All lights are off and my face is only lighted by the glowing visualization. Finished downloading the 22 episodes of Hunter x hunter Greed island. In DivX format meaning in almost DVD quality. Reading lots of ebooks from dan Brown and the New Harry Potter Book 6. Hey, this doesnt fit with the title... Mapapansin naman na puro malungkot lahat ng posts ko... Syempre, malungkot naman talaga ako kapag nag-iisa at ang pagsusulat ng malulungkot ang nagpapasaya sa akin. Tska alangan naman na magsulat ako ng mga love poems na masaya gayon namang wala naman akong pagbibigyan na tao. Pero marami na rin akong nacompost na songs at di ko lang alam kung maganda para sa iba. Pero kung minsan, ginigitara ko sa school at tinatanong nila kung sinong kumanta sinasabi ko na ibang artist ang gumawa at sasabihin naman nila na maganda... Syempre naman... henyo yata ako. Guh Guh..nyum nyum nyum. penned my thoughts
at [11:47 PM]
Friday, September 09, 2005
Yet, there was a cup that i used to sip my coffee penned my thoughts
at [8:57 PM]
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Sobrang busy mg bawat araw ko ngayon. Daming responsibilities at parang kulang na ang time ko para magreflect at magasses ng aking buhay ngayon. Ewan ko ba... Marami akong pangarap para sa lahat ng tao na mismong nalilimutan ko ang sandaling katahimikan. Katahimikan na tumatagos sa pinakamalalim ng parte ng kaluluwa. Ewan ko lang kung naranasan na ng iba ang ganito na sa katahimikan at kalungkutan ay nakakadama ng pagkakaroon ng self actualization kahit panandalian lamang. Mga oras na gumagana ng maayos ang utak para maging makata. Na bagamat alam na kulang ang sarili at imperpect ang mundo ay nagkakaroon ng ngiti. Mga feelings na malungkot ngunit may saya. Napakironic pero nararanasan ko ito. penned my thoughts
at [8:12 PM]
Cause it's a bitter sweet symphony that's life... No change, I can change, I can change, I can change, Well I've never prayed, No change, I can change, I can change, I can change, Have you ever been down? Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life. We've got ya sex and violence melody and silence penned my thoughts
at [6:50 PM]
Monday, September 05, 2005
afr penned my thoughts
at [7:47 PM]
Sunday, September 04, 2005
—winds trail the paths you left upon I see you clearly through nights of autumn if only a moment to return the years— penned my thoughts
at [8:24 AM]
Saturday, September 03, 2005
After few hours of work, the new look is set. Picture used was edited in Photohop. I think I like the new template. Currently finding a way to code the archive part of the blog. The boy wearing the orange jacket in the picture is like me.
penned my thoughts
at [11:47 PM]
They're watching every single thing you say
And when you die they'll sit you down and take you through
You'll realise one day
That the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbour's got a new car that you want to drive
And the time is running out
You wanna stay alive
We all live under the same sky
We all will live we all will die
There is no wrong there is no right
The circle only has one side
We all try to live our lives in harmony
For fear of falling swiftly overboard
But life is both a major and a minor key
Just open up the chord
That the grass is always greener on the other side
The neighbour's got a new car that you want to drive
And the time is running out
You wanna stay alive
We all live under the same sky
We all will live we all will die
There is no wrong there is no right
The circle only has one side
past few months. Services, services, services... too much work really
makes a person dumb enough to not realize that he is dumb... and that's good... The last few
weeks of the sem will surely be busy.
At this very YOUNG age, i really feel engaged to something, though im not
engaged to anyone since... This something or rather these things are
always holding me back to reality... According to this hindu guru's book
i read while spending my time waiting for nothing on Book Sale Store, on
the top floor of SM... as life becomes so convenient for others, it so
ironic that it adds another complications.. Just like the movie "Gods must
be Crazy" talkin about.
After a very long time, i spent this afternoon doing my favorite past time
last sem.. ...i walked alone, strolled around... pretending to be
shopping, keep asking the sales lady the price and the specs, wasting my
time for just thinking that i could buy them. but it felt good to go home
tired of dreaming the RPG like stroll. i think i have to spend another
years to have another updated PC. This time, aim at the Mobile Notebook.
Kaso medyo malabo na.... Im tired of collecting files that keep on
losing...I lost one partirion on my hardisk which mainly contained my mp3 collections since i was 1st year. Next target is to buy my own high end digital camera.
Since my brother bought his digital camera, im always experimenting ways
on how to use it... considering that it's also a videocam... i used it to
make my very own music video..he hehe. I got my very first camera when i
was still 8, and the next day, i went on my own visiting any interesting
places... i went to the beach, rode a boat to ermita hill...
last year, while tobit was on the sm department store, i turned on the cam
and told him that we would make a "scandal" movie there that would surely
be a hit. .. we just used the word because of sudden appearances of those
movies.... After editing the clips and embedding the "People Alone"
soundtrack,.. i insisted to distribute it so if we would continue our
band, it would be easier for us to be known... though he didn’t agree with
me, if someone wanted to copy MP3 from me, I also included it with some of
our amateur recordings... just as what i expected, our songs, and especially
the video got the attention of few cool people. When tobit's brother
watched it, they said they keep on laughing at it. Because of my
unprepared plot and tobit's unexpected actions, the video became a laughing
material. The movie shows Tobit filling the largest cart with groceries and ended
buying only 2 noodles that we shared that night. The "People alone" music
also added the feeling of loneliness (while laughing). People there were
looking at us thinking that we were making a series for some teenage
saturday afternoon show. I remember that we just went to SM to spend
sometime having fun while we were supposedly crying because we already
emptied our wallets. That always happens to us and realizing that we have
no more supplies means walking home and praying for a hundred to fall from
the sky. One time, when i didn’t have money for the jeep, i walked from SM
and treaded the dark, holdup zone way to my ex-Home at cabinet hill.
Fearing of seeing something, i walked looking down and unexpectedly, i
stepped on 2 P500 cash. Sometimes, if you really need something, it will
just appear coincidentally, or just because u are then opening ur senses
for it.
Lots of stories... I like adventure stories that are constantly replaced
by adult version of adventure. As time passes, the world is limiting itself for kids. Kids are used for commercial purposes and already stealing from them the youth that they should have. I once watched this online video of a little girl setting up a man of disposing a dead body. Cant believe that a very young age (about 6 or 7), she already knows how to say words like “fuck up”, “bitch” even if it’s still a movie. What i want as a kid, to consider the world as just a game (like the HXH Greed Island) that there's no need to limit the realities' capabilities...but still following the rule for goodness.
Now i know…, im engaged to my kid like attitude and philosophy. That's why
i cant move on. im not capabable of growing up anymore. I cant follow the
trend of finding someone, living with someone and LOSING someone. When I finished highschool, I taught that I would be soon mature enough to face what I have to face, but unfortunately, im still at fear of moving on. When I was entering my teenage years, I almost commited suicide believing that I should go to heaven as a kid and not an adult. Im aging and still young but I feel very old already especially now that many consider me as Kuya.
Had Peter forgotten to ask me that’s why I cant decipher the lessons to adulthood. Or im just staying on my own Neverland coz of fear, of uncapability to be like what the time should making me.
To be continued
Does the moon and the sun make it right
For you the world maybe
Like an endless storm chasing a mystery
Is there hate in your heart?
Does your body drop and tell you to stop
Loving you or loving me
When it all falls down you just sing with me
Coz there's a blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow shining and shimmering
A blue sky waiting tomorrow
Waiting tomorrow
Maybe it's all we need
Oh don't you wash away that smile
You just look out the window and see the light
It's beautiful to be alive
It's wonderful to live a life
The sun is sure to shine
For you and me for everyone
So don't be sad it's just the start
Of a new beginning in your life
Rain will keep on pouring
Some things you can't control
And while the sun seems far and hard to hold
It will unfold
There will always be a blue sky
A blue sky waiting tomorrow
Nakauwi ako sa Baguio, syempre ng safe. Nagiisip pa rin talaga ng malalim tungkol sa babaeng nakausap sa isang mahabang pila. Tanga ko talaga.. Pero good news naman... sabi nung prof ko thru text, pumasa daw ako sa Removals... yes.. di nasayang ang pagpunta ko dun. Kaya kasi di ko masyadong naasikaso yung babae kasi baka maiba yung goal ko sa UP Diliman. Dapat focus sa studies.
Ilang beses akong nanaginip tungkol sa mga pinagusapan namin. Marami kaming nalaman sa isat-isa pero di man lamang kumuha ng contacts, di sana ay di na ako naghihirap... As a comsci, walang maiisip na paraan kung hindi gamitin ang technology ng Internet na na prove ko ng useful sa akin.
Una, sa friendster, nagtingin sa mga almost 1000+ na lumabas na profiles na pinagtitiisan kong isa-isahin at himay-himayin... Kaso, malabo. Sa search engine... Inalala ko uli yung mga tagpo habang nag-uusap kami... May naalala akong nagtawag sa kanya... Kakilala nya at tinawag yata siyang "Rhea".. Tama kaya??? KAso ang daming rhea sa friendster tapos di ko pa alam kung ganon ang name nya kasi pwedeng baguhin yun sa account settings. Nag-iisip ng mga senaryo para sa ibang clue. Para akong nasa X-files o anti-trust. Oo, naglakad sya noon papalayo, hmmm... papuntang Ilang2x Dorm na Dorm ng mga babae... Search sa net... Tumawag at naubos ang load sa pagtawag sa hotline nila.... May mga nakilala pala ako sa 1 and 1/2 months kong pagtira sa molave dorm at nakipag chat at text para mag-imbistiga. Tinanong ko kung may rhea silang kakilala sa ilang-ilang. Sabi nila, wala pero ria meron, yung super pretty daw na babae Nabuhayan ako kaso di ko alam kung siya ba ung super pretty...... Brainstorming for clues and ideas... Nagtext ako sa mga nakilala ko sa ibang class hanggang makaconfirm ako sa isang groupmate ko sa STS na kilala siya at nagfit yung mga clues... Eureka!!! Isang text na lang... itatanong ko yung num... Kinakabahan ako... Sigurado akong may num siya ni group mate kasi bestfriend daw sila... 5..4..3..2..1... Kaching.... Pumasok sa isip ko, ang tanga-tanga ko. Ano ang ginagawa ko. Niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko. Naghahanap ng isang magandang pagkakataon na napakahirap mangyari sa isang katulad ko. Bata pa nga ako na naniniwala sa isang pantaserye.... Pagkaisip ko ay di ko na tinuloy na magtext at huminga na lang ng malalim sabay bagsak ng katawan sa kama. Nag-isip ng malalim...
Kung isang tao nga na ginawan mo na ng lahat at sinuyo mo ng halos kalahati ng buhay mo ay nawala pa, lalo pa kaya yung mga ilang oras lang... Tanga... Nangangarap ka lang kagaya ng mga nobela mong pambata lang at isang imahinasyon. Tumulo ang luha... Di mo ba naisip na kaya ka nagremovals ay dahil naglasing ka bago ang exam at bago pumasok. Kasama mo siya ng buong buwan... Buong summer.. Araw-araw hinahatid... Binabantayan... At sa kabila ng mga panahong iyon ay wala kang magawa. Katabi mo sa klase at parang wala ka pa rin.... Ang dali mo namang makalimot. Dalawang klase ng summer at maganda ang performance ng kasama mo siya pero sinasakripisyo ang isa para itago ang lungkot... Bibo ka nga sa subject na kasama mo siya dahil, 15 min, tapos mo na ang exam.. Nauuna out of 170 students at matataas pa ang grade pero nakakalimutan mo na mas mahalaga ang isang subject...Tanga...
Sa totoo lang, natagpuan ko na ang lahat tungkol sa babaeng nakatagpo ko sa mahabang pilang yun. Alam ko ang full name, student number, course, pati bahay na yata.. pero, ano ngayon... She's superpretty.... Pero salamat kasi pinagaan nya ang loob ko... Hinilom nya ang mga sugat..Naks malalim.. Kaya ang masasabi ko na lang..And they lived hapilly ever after..Note: they..
Yun ang last time kong shot ng alak...100% pure ako ngaun.. No drugs, no smoke, no alcohol, etc...
end...
Ok..5.4.3.2.1...
After playing the only chords taped in the wall, the Broken Sonnet of Hale, this word (the melancholy part) keeps on flashing back on my mind ... By the way, what the heck does it mean...according to dictionary.com.
mel·an·chol·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mln-kl)n.
Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: “There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass” (Charles Kuralt).
Pensive reflection or contemplation.
Archaic.
Black bile.
An emotional state characterized by sullenness and outbreaks of violent anger, believed to arise from black bile.adj.
Affected with or marked by depression of the spirits; sad. See Synonyms at sad.
Tending to promote sadness or gloom: a letter with some melancholy news.
Pensive; thoughtful.
Oh, i see... i think i had this kind of feeling and im not sure if its still here but i keep of making myself busy to forget about this. Good for me because I have good friends in YA keeping me busy and stupid. I never been so tired, never been so busy and never felt this sense of responsibilty but i think being with them is better than taking millions of tranquilizer... He he he... Mga adik.!!!
This blog looks new and fresh and all these posts actually started only on the last week of July. My old blog, which tells all the stories about what all happened is hidden somewhere here. Yun talaga ang pinagpuyatan ko para lang makawala ng stress... Isang nobela nga yun ay... Written in there are my most sacred Novels.. hehehh.. basta marami..Plus, wala akong net noon kaya sobrang pinaghirapan ko talaga... Para di makita ng kapatid ko, sinasave ko as .inf para ibang program ang magbukas....
Yet, there was a pen to write my thoughts
yet, there was a light to emphasize the blackness
yet, there was you inside the abyss of me
yet, there was full of you in the nothingness in me
yet, there was a beautiful you to an ugly me
yet, there was the silence to bear
yet, there was pain to heal
yet, there was the tears to wipe
yet, there was this big but cold room
yet, i put temporarily the sadness under my bed
yet, i leaned my forehead on the fogged window glass
yet, i was the only one staring the flashing lights
yet, i sat the unkempt bed sheet
yet, i breathe and gasped for air
yet, there was nothing... nothing.
yet, all those thoughts were only thoughts
yet, all those thoughts were only yets
i have those thoughts to alterate those thoughts
i have those thoughts to be my yets
i have those yets to play my thoughts
yet those thoughts were empty
yet, they were only thoughts and thoughts were they
they cleared my thoughts, that confusion is yets ought
Karaniwan kong nadarama ito kung makakakita ako ng isang magandang view ng nature. Sa sobrang ganda ay nagbibigay saya. Sa kabila ng pag-iisa na ang naririnig ay ang hangin at huni ng kalikasan na madalas ay di nararanasan. Di ko alam kung bakit, siguro masaya.He hehe, nagiging makata na naman ako tapos next time puro na naman maka scienctific..Weird ko talaga... Taking the advantage of both worlds..
Siguro, madarama nyo rin ito pag nakikinig kayo ng mga classical music.
Ngayon, medyo dinadagdagan ko ng features nitong blog at nagcontribute naman ako para tinganan kung magugustuah n ung mga gawa ko... Balak kong lagyan ng radio streaming para naman may music..
Try to make ends meet , you're a slave to the money then you die.
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down...
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah.
but I'm here in my mould , I am here in my mould.
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next...
I can't change my mould , no,no,no,no,no,no,no
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.
I need to hear some sounds that recognise the pain in me, yeah.
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind , I feel free now.
But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.
but I'm here in my mould , I am here in my mould.
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mould, no,no,no,no,no,no,no
I can change, I can change...
Trying to make ends meet, try to find somebody then you die.
You know I can change, I can change, I can change,
but I'm here in my mould, I am here in my mould.
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next.
I can't change my mould, no,no,no,no,no,no,no
(Have you ever been down)
(I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down).
Ako'y pinipilit
Ng luha kong iniipit
Ang sarili ay iwaglit
Dahil sa lalim ng iniisip
Sa gitna ng saya
Mga ngiti at tuwa
Hindi mo ba napupuna
Sila'y aking mga maskara
Maskarang laging suot
Pantakip sa hirap at pagod
Sa aki'y pahinga ang mag-isa
Ng ako naman ay maging malaya
Lungkot na aking mahal
Nagbibigay sa akin ng kulay
Oo nga't masakit at mahirap
Ngunit sayo, ako'y nararapat
Luha, at isa pang luha
Sa aki'y nagdidilig
Sa buhay bang ito
Ako'y laging nakapiit
Marami sila
Ngunit ganon lang ba
Wag kang mag-alala
Ako'y sanay ng mag-isa
in years of yore and setting suns
as merely a child, you took my heart
sprinkled simplicities of your innocent way
and though faces could fly so far apart
your presence in life to have lived without,
I knew somehow from the very start
death would become half of me—inside of me
around me and would bind my feet and arms
bind me to the earth; earth of stone,
in age of old to have died alone
the crystal dark skies so abundantly
tell of time's images flying from me,
away, like dreams vanishing in our wake
I will always feel the missing inside me
and hold to a time my heart transformed
from dark pillowed dust from where
I found, my escapes—my ways away from life
to run—
brought back the crackled grins of cheer,
or if, in sprinkled rain, may come
soft reflections time bestows on one
who stands alone, if then, to grasp the withered stone—
to clutch the days forever gone. Oh if only a far tone,
to rekindle the fire from within your life—the song,
or glimmering shimmers of an autumn night,
like this one, to have placed you in my light,
and never to leave you this far, alone.
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::RECENTS POSTS::
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